For your words of kindness, hope, and support in relation to my last post. Thank you for sharing your own stories here, and thank you for taking the time to think about caring for yourself, too.

My words to you all this week: Love the skin you’re in.  Have it checked, if possible by a dermatologist and not just your general practitioner.  Watch it yourself.  Wear sunscreen, take sensible precautions.

Even if you do all of these things, the big C might still find you.  But I think it’s better to know than not. Cancer is not a stranger in my life, but this year it’s hit so very close to me, more than in many years.  Two very dear people to me have been diagnosed with melanoma in the past few months.  One of them is my husband.  We are incredibly fortunate that it has been detected so early, it’s called melanoma in situ.  We’re scheduling surgery now to have it removed and a skin graft placed on the infected area, which is under the band aid above.  I know I’m not alone in having one of my worst fears come true.  Many of us are haunted by this disease.

May you all be happy and well.

I was so excited last year when I got it, thinking about all the years I would use it.  After 1 year it was gross from going along for the ride with me, so I decided to wash it for the new year.  When pulling it out of the laundry basket to hang dry I almost cried.  It was a much bigger mess then in its dried state in the above photo.

I had already purchased my plain-covered refill (remember how I felt about the last plain covered planner?) and liked having the cover last year because I was able to shove all manner of small papers and business cards in it, as well as receipts and little love notes from my kids.  Not to be deterred by the crap materials from my big box cover, I set to work to make a duplicate of my own.

And I did.  I love how it looks, but it isn’t quite as solid as my last one.  I used some Anna Maria Horner and Kona solid cotton fabrics for it and it is filled with extra heavy non-iron interfacing. I think I need to put another layer of interfacing in it in at least one side of it.  Cardboard, however, won’t be asked to join this party.

Soulemama: {this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Three months later, in January:

The dock itself, which I was surprised to see in the water still, was covered in frost:

Though I still did some asana practice on it like in October, I kept my boots and gloves on this time! It was a whole different feeling, doing that. Jasper wasn’t a fan of the frosty dock. I had to coax him out on it with me and he kept his tail tucked the entire time I was out on it.

It was cold, but there was no snow. It’s January but looks more like March. Supposedly there is snow on the way. I can only hope!

So now come my guilty gardening confessions. I didn’t clean out my beds this year. Not just the old plants that should have gone to the compost like those above (we recently picked the last of the broccoli and are still picking some kale!), but all of the structures are still out there. And the hose and drip lines and the water timer. Horrible, right?

It doesn’t end there. I planted spinach, kale, and carrot seeds for a fall harvest, taking the time to make lovely little rows, water them, and even watch them grow a bit. Like this:

And then my day job became absolutely consuming, along with show preparation and then holiday preparations. I stopped paying any attention to the garden except to pick some random produce that was still growing, and sometimes I even had the rest of my family do it for me!

As I walked around the garden yesterday I could feel huge waves of guilt wash over me as I looked at all that had been left undone. I had just been thinking that it was time to start planning out this year’s seed order and planting schedule and seeing the garden stopped me short. A voice, not so quiet, was saying, “How can you even think about planning the new garden when you haven’t taken care of the last one?”

Then another little voice whispered, “Let it go, melt. Soften in the face of what has happened.” Breathing, I slowly let my traps relax ever-so-slightly and kept walking around the yard, taking in our little bit of land that I love so much. I WILL be planning my garden for the coming growing season SOON. I will also take advantage of any warmer weather coming up to clean up and put to bed what I already have, as best I can. I will find a way to dance away from the guilt and remember all the work I did put in instead. Softening, it is a practice for me.

Ever surprise yourself by doing something you always thought or said you couldn’t? That’s how I felt today as I colored in a sketch of leaves I had drawn. I’m taking an e-course with Alisa Burke on sketching right now as something to expand my own boundaries. This whole softening practice is helping with it as I learn to let go of expectations and even draw in pen (gasp!) instead of pencil as I usually do.  I’d go so far as to say I’m enjoying it.

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In 2010 I practiced harmony.

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In 2011 I practiced growth.

In 2012 I will delve into the practice of softening.

That’s what the end of 2011 felt like! There were definitely smiles and laughter, but the many activities of it all had me avoiding the camera, the blog, email….

I’m ready to find routine again in our days. The blur of the holidays and the last few lazy days of vacation are coming to a close. I’ll be back here tomorrow, hopefully with my word for 2012 clearly felt in my being. I haven’t yet found the right term to encompass the idea that has been building in my heart, but I hope to soon.

Happy 2012 to you all!